when faced with the dementors kiss
by Jente Bidernais
Summary: He has escaped the kiss once, but now he will have to undergo it. How does Sirius react? READ AND REVIEW ! please?


**Hi, I've written this one-shot when I felt like it. It isn't that bad. When this happens, I don't know. In fact it can't be placed in the story at all. But just use your imagination, okay?**

**Title: when faced with the dementors kiss….**

**Summary: He had escaped the kiss once, but now he would have to undergo it. How does Sirius react? **

When they said 'the kiss' I was scared. I imagined those rotten hand reaching for the cap of it's cloak…. I felt frightened. I wouldn't have a soul to apologize to Lily and James. I would never meet little Regulus again, would never be able to tell him why I had left him with _them_. _Them, _as always there was a good thing about this, I don't have to face _them_ now. My mother will never scream to me. My father won't hurt me.

Yes, when I heard this all at first I was scared. I'm not anymore. Now, when I just have several minutes to live, too little time to think things over, I know this is what I want. I don't want to die. I don't want to think of the idea of living an after-life. Life isn't fair. Even the life of the death isn't fair. I don't want to face an after-life. Never.

I already knew that. I knew that all my life. Well, I get what I want. I never will face an after-life. I will be nothing. A soulless piece of body, nothing more, nothing less. Just nothing. I have been nothing, a long time ago. I will become nothing, again.

My body will live, but I won't know. I won't be aware of whatever will happen to it. And my soul… My soul won't have to build up another life. I will be left in the dark. Peaceful. I have lived my life the best I could. I have done everything I wanted to.

Hands around my arms. The people those hands belong to, are rude. They never introduced themselves. I would have, if they didn't know my name. But they do know my name, so I just let them take me. They push me against the wall, rough. It hurts a little. But I don't care. It will be over soon.

'Let's get it over with.' The words tumble out of my mouth. My body reacts different than my soul. It's scared, it doesn't want to lose it's soul. It doesn't want to lose me. My mouth makes the words I order it to say, but it sounds weird, scared. I'm not scared, not anymore. I realize I should be, I'm just not.

I mean what I say: 'let's get it over with'. It's like at the swimming pool. I always jump in immediately, even if I know the water will be freezing. _When I'm in, I might feel like freezing, but I will get through. And it will be worth it._ That's the way I think. And that's why I wish they would get over with it, it might will be frightening, but I will survive. Or, now I come to think of it, I won't.

I feel the wall in my back. Slowly –cause everything happens slowly now- the dementor takes of it's cap. Slowly it's head comes closer. I smell it's terrible breath. My worst memories come back to me. But I suddenly know how to push them aside. _Funny, I stayed more then 10 horrible years with those beasts and now –now of all moments, I just have some seconds left- I find a way how to resist them._

I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know how I'm doing it, but suddenly my memories become better. Nicer. The first time I kissed a girl, sweet. The first time I saw Harry. Remus, James, Peter -the Rat- and me on brooms. James and me hiding in a broom closet, because some teachers are searching for us, apparently they didn't like our little joke. James with that unbelieving look when Evans agreed to go out with him. Remus and me playing chess.

Then an older memory finds it way to the surface. Little Regulus, when he was younger, is sitting on the groundHe holds a book_. Of course he does, he always did when we were younger._ I walk to him. "Reg, what about going outside?" He looks up and smiles. When he nods we run through the doors. Before I can see the rest of this memory I feel something touch my face.

My mouth opens. I release my soul. I'm not scared, I'm happy. I see them all once again. Remus hits me on my head with a book, then he leaves me. He is lost on me forever. James kisses Lilly soft, he picks up baby Harry and they turn around. They leave through my mouth. The last to leave is Regulus. He closes his book, stands up from his spot on the ground and walks to face the dementor. And he takes my least piece of soul with him. I will never feel how my body will fall and touch the ground.

**Read, enjoy and feel free to review. **


End file.
